Rae Ellen Barnett

I think that it really stinks that the first obituary I have ever written is my mom’s, and she isn’t here to proofread it. She would be slightly annoyed that her obit isn’t serious, but would have relented in the end because she was mom. I am sure that I will fail to cover 95 percent of the amazing things she did and saw – the chapter with myself and my dad was (I think) her favorite adventure, but every time I talk with someone from her life, I learn something new and wonderful about her.

Rae Ellen Barnett Sobotik was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. At the age of four, her family moved to Colgate, WI, where she spent days working on the farm, reading, and playing with her lifelong friend Lisa and her dog Bonnie. Of note, Mom was the Wisconsin State Champion baker four times (although this number gets inflated with every retelling) with her Midnight Chocolate Cake, at one point having it submitted by someone else because she was upsetting the adults she competed against. She was president of her local 4H chapter and slept next to her chicken at the Wisconsin State Fair Junior Poultry Show. She devoted her time performing in musicals, plays, and the Angelaires, where she sang and danced, and she (of course) always cheered for the Green Bay Packers.

Mom was always a city girl at heart, and after graduating from College of the Holy Cross, she moved to New York to chase her dreams. She started off working at the aptly named Ellen’s Stardust Diner as a performing waitress, and then got her big break as a traffic coordinator at Ogilvy in Manhattan, taking copywriting classes at night.

She worked her tail off and was promoted to copywriter, then jumped on the opportunity to move across the pond to London, England, where she worked for ad agencies with a multitude of clients on work that was fascinating and incredible for her, including writing copy for the first ads for the Chunnel, the tunnel connecting London and Paris. She was so very proud of that; two of her favorite cities.

She returned to New York to work on ad campaigns without even knowing that her next adventure was coming. She met a very odd art director named Kevin. They hit it off, and she agreed to marry my dad after a long courtship. Dad proposed on the steps of Battery Park in New York. In true mom fashion, she said she would think about it. She officially said yes over a glass of white wine a few hours later. Dad always says he wasn't worried; I never believed him.

Then my mom went on a new, unexpected adventure – having me. She made sure I read every classic book – from the tales of O’Henry to The Good Earth, Charles Dickens, and anything by P. G. Wodehouse. We listened to Shaka Khan, Prince, and NWA. We wore out two Blues Brothers tapes and a Michael Jackson CD. My mom and I had tea and scones every day until I was four. Every Christmas eve she made me watch White Christmas. She taught me how to bake, how to crack jokes with sly British humor, and to never give up on a book (no matter how bad it is).

Mom travelled the world. To list every adventure would take a novel, but they included Egypt, Thailand, Vietnam, Hungary and so many more. By age nine she had taken me to Paris, Spain, Greece, New York, New York, and London, London, London. She loved everything about London, especially her friends there.

Last year, Mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, but she was determined not to let it limit her. She continued to work full-time throughout chemo and radiation with a job that brought her more pride and joy than I have seen her have in a long time; the Boston Latin School, the oldest public school in the United States.

Here are some things that we will so miss about my mom: the way that she listened to the radio in the bathtub. How picky she was about dishes. How she always had two ice cubes in her white wine. How she never missed an episode of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”. She read the New YorkTimes every day and would send us articles as if she was the acting editor. She had a four guess average in Wordle, I checked. Her friends knew that it was a good day if Mom got the Wordle in three, and my dad knew not to talk to her when she was doing it. Mom did pro bono work for any organization she cared about. She had amazing taste in coats. She was so proud that she was picked as “the one” by her and dad’s cat, Frankie. She loved to watch the Real Housewives when she woke up in the middle of the night (yes Mom, I knew). She always insisted on a real Christmas tree. She had pictures of all of her friends and family as her phone screensaver. Her favorite meal was vegetarian pho, with extra broth.

My mom showed me and everyone else how to live to the fullest. We are going to miss her so, so much.

I will finish with a quote from her favorite writer, Lord Byron, from his poem “Darkness”

.– She was the Universe.

As per her wishes, Ellen’s final resting place will be Primrose Hill in London. A private celebration of life will be held on Saturday, October 17th. She is preceded in death by her father, Raymond James Sobotik, and her very mean cat, Toaster Oven. She leaves behind an unthinkable amount of friends, as well as the love of her life, Kevin Miller, her mother Diane Sobotik, her brothers John and Jerry, and her daughter Avery Rose (Micah), plus her cat Frankie. In her honor, please continue to do the Wordle, read classic books, support public radio, and live life to the fullest. In lieu of flowers, please either send us a book you love (for book donations please contact Avery Miller Rassi at 617-762-6580), or make a donation to support WBUR Boston.